So what does it all mean? What does it mean to not have a purpose? Or what does it mean to “feel” like one has no purpose? I like to think that my suffering and my contemplation are necessary, or have uses. I like to think that I ponder and pace for a reason. But what if I just simply have no path or no set course before me. What do I really want? What will really make me happy? Will living as a hermit make me happy? Or will I just become bored with it? A vow that monks and hermits in the Benedictine order take, is stability. Am I stable? Let us look at my past. The only activity I have never quit was the martial arts. But even then, I quit a few times only going back because my thirst for more was never fulfilled outside of the same school. My artistic creativeness is always wavering between disciplines. Do I like sculpture, or graphic design, or illustrations, or music, or…. Let’s face it; I am utterly and insatiably lost.