I love the word "Why".  I think it's such a great word when used correctly.  One of the things that always drove my parents crazy as I was growing up was that I would ask... why?  And upon their answer... "because"; I would in turn ask...  Because why?

I don't mind doing something, especially if it is necessary.  But I have always hated doing something that I felt completely unnecessary.  So when I was asking why as a child, I was not being defiant, I was sincerely interested in the necessary reason.  The sad part was, there often times was a very good reason.  I suppose they either felt in unnecessary that I knew, or were in just too much of a hurry to bother telling me.

Nowadays I really enjoy using the word "why" to awaken people to their unnecessary stresses, and hopefully break the illusions that bind their true self.  For example... why are you worried about where you will be in 10 years?  Why are you worried about getting hair plugs?  Why are you worried about why everything happens?  Why are you worried about being in 10 places at once?  Why are you worried about what happens to celebrities?  Why are you so worried about what's her name down the street?  Why are you so stressed out about the past, and anxious about the future?  Etc...

Why?  Relax... be patient.  Just as the lotus flowers opens, so too will your mind.  If you are patient enough.

There is a common theme within Zen Buddhism surrounding the "True Self", and the realization thereof.  I've been thinking these last few days... since it's possible (at least from the Zen point of few) to come to that very realization, and to actually know your true self... what can we say about this concept?  How much of the world is illusion, and why is the illusion so important to overcome?  We know from simple logic that our perception of the world is skewed.  How skewed can be a topic of debate, but we can at least agree that it is in some way or another.  So when we think of our perception of ourselves, is it any different?

I used to tell people that we lack the ability to truly judge ourselves, and that we should rely on others opinions of ourselves to truly understand our place in society.  But that is simply to understand our place in society, not to understand our true selves.  For example, I might think that I am a nice and humble person... however... if no one else thinks that about me, chances are, I'm not.  But if the majority of people think I am, even if I don't... chances are, I am.   This however, does not have anything to say about my true self.

So, true self... if I cannot rely on other's opinions, and I cannot trust my own opinion about myself, what the heck have I got?  It's really quite simple.  One seriously has to come to the understanding that opinion is WRONG!  No matter what you think, or what others think, it's simply... illusion.  Truth is not biased or sentimental.  And we certainly cannot define ourselves by what we do, or who we love.  For instance, I am a martial artist, but that is not my true self.  I am a graphic designer, but that is not my true self.  I am a husband, father, son, brother, grandson, nephew, etc... but none of those are my true self.

So why is it so important to get rid of these illusions of self?  Simply put, it makes everything else an illusion.  If you think of anything that gives perception, whether it is your eyeballs, nose, ears, a mirror, a camera, etc...  If they are broken, they will not perceive correctly.  So if your "self" is illusion, anything that the self perceives will be an illusion.  However, if your "self" is truth, anything that the self perceives will be truth.  How amazing is that?  To instinctively know truth, simply by truthfully knowing self.  Wait a second though... does that mean that we can know the truth of the universe without learning quantum physics, or molecular biology?  Or maybe without years and years of contemplative prayer and religious devotion?  Or perhaps without a doctorate in philosophy and theology?  Yes.

I will go even further and say, even more so!  Because while those with vast amounts of knowledge, whether it be in physics, theology, history, philosophy, bible study, sutra study, etc... surely know a lot of information.  It is and always will be, based on symbols used to represent something else.  This is in itself is illusion.

So what is my true self.  Me.  Myself.  I.  ???

I asked myself, and myself answered...  SHHHHH!!!!

So what does it all mean? What does it mean to not have a purpose? Or what does it mean to “feel” like one has no purpose? I like to think that my suffering and my contemplation are necessary, or have uses. I like to think that I ponder and pace for a reason. But what if I just simply have no path or no set course before me. What do I really want? What will really make me happy? Will living as a hermit make me happy? Or will I just become bored with it? A vow that monks and hermits in the Benedictine order take, is stability. Am I stable? Let us look at my past. The only activity I have never quit was the martial arts. But even then, I quit a few times only going back because my thirst for more was never fulfilled outside of the same school. My artistic creativeness is always wavering between disciplines. Do I like sculpture, or graphic design, or illustrations, or music, or…. Let’s face it; I am utterly and insatiably lost.